Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.  

Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.  Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.

Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together!

If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.  

Boy Overboard!

“AGHHHH!” said Jack as his uncle suddenly drove straight into a wave and it went crashing down on them.  The pressure was so powerful that it knocked Jack straight off the boat and into the freezing cold water.  He was starting to drown, but luckily he knew how to swim.  He got a breath of air just in time, he could of died.   

Jack saw some sharks coming towards him like lightning.  He swam to the boat as fast as he could, his uncle never noticed that he got tipped off the boat.  “Uncle, help me please!” Jack screamed, but his uncle could not hear his screams over the crashing waves.  He went to the side of the boat and banged it as hard as he could, but his uncle could still not hear him.  Jack thought he was really going to die, and now the sharks were closer than he ever wanted.   

The sharks circled around him, which Jack did not like it, he was terrified.  One of the sharks tried to strike but Jack had dodged it.  The other sharks attacked but they were not fast enough to eat him.  Jack was to tired to dodge the attacks now, they were really going to eat him now.  But at the last second there was a school of tuna that distracted the blood thirsty sharks.  The sharks went to the school of fish then Jack said  “now I have more time to get my uncle’s attention?”, for a school of tuna is way better than a skinny little boy.       

Written by Turua, Ben and Musharraf.

Ben:

I think I did well sharing my ideas, and did well on doing changes, and making the sentence better.

Turua:  

I think I did well on typing the moment in time and sharing my ideas to my group.

Musharraf:

I think I did well of sharing my ideas with my two buddies and making good changes.